Wednesday, February 16, 2005

The Carter Attack Sub: Some Gems from The Corner

over at NRO's The Corner, they are having a field day with the news that the Navy is naming an attack sub after the inept former President Jimmy Carter:

Will battle sound like this?:
Skipper: Load tubes 1 and 3!
Ensign: Tubes 1 and 3 loaded
Skipper: Release the diplomats!

The USS Jimmy Carter?!? My mind is starting to explode with all of the
comedic possibilities. What, will the sub break down in the middle of the ocean
on its way to rescue operations? Will everyone on the sub have to wear sweaters?
Instead of a morale officer, will the boat feature a "malaise official?" What if
the sub comes across a rabbit in the water? Will there be a "moral equivalent to
combat operations" on this sub? These jokes just write themselves.

According to Jim
Dunnigan's "How to Make War" web site
the USS Jimmy Carter will be the
designated SPY SUBMARINE for the US Fleet, taking the place of the USS Narwhal
and others. That means that Jimmy Carter's namesake will creeping about
violating other nations sovereignty and SPYING on them! Considering Mr. Carter's
credentials, I believe that this is the cruelest and best revenge possible by
the Navy on one of its alumni.

My favorite:

"Will the U.S.S. Jimmy Carter be hammered together by weekend volunteers?"