Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Stuart Scott must be stopped...A Rant

I was sitting here at my desk, zoning out and watching some Sports Center clips when I realized something must be done. It has been fomenting for months, with the progam taking metoric steps into the toilet and I realized it's cause.

Stuart Scott.

The man must be stopped. He is a menace to sports fans everywhere, and is turning ESPN into ESPMTV. It stinks. The only worthwhile programming besides live sports is Pardon The Interruption, and that's because Kornheiser is a crusty old genius, and the 5 pm Sports Center when Dan Patrick is on, because that man can deliver sports.

I will not go into all the reasons I despise Stuart Scott, from his googly eyes to his "booyah's" the list is essentially endless. Every day he says something stupid. Anyway, I have taken two steps in the past week to combat this problem. Earlier in the week I encouraged my friend to start a I hate Stu web page. I am assuming he will read this at some point today, so get to work on the site. I want it operational by March Madness (when that jag will undoubtedly unleash some more pseudo-slang on the unsuspecting sports world).

Secondly, I wrote an email to Keith Olbermann. His show is terrible. It gets 16 viewers on the average night. Before his show is in the toilet, I wanted to enlist his help. After all, Sports Center began its decline with the exodus of Kilbourn and Olbermann over money and ego. (wise decision by both...) Since they left SC has tried to go after new emerging demographics, so they brought in the obnoxious Stu. He was terrible before he got hit in the eye with Chad Pennington football, and he is even worse now. To hear him makes my ears pop and to see him makes my eyes pop out of focus trying to follow those zigzagging eyes.

From time to time I am liable to go off like this on Stu. I mean no harm to anyone but him, for he has seriously inhibited my abilities to receive sports news and highlights in a timely and enjoyable fashion.

This is what I wrote Olbermann (remember his departure started this disgusting slide into mediocrity at sc), and I encourage you to do the same. Eventually I will find other contacts and people more immediate to Stu, but for now I figure Olbermann's show is bad enough, and his ratings are so in the toilet, that perhaps he will pursue another blogger fueled media personality hit. (The first part is off topic only because I wanted to make it pertinent to his new post today. Also, it seems any mention of Bill O'Reill makes KO all hot and bothered).

Mr. Olbermann,

Although I still can’t get over the anger at
your leaving SC (nice career move by the way, now instead of hundreds of
thousands, dare I say millions of viewers nightly you get seventeen vegans in
tin-foil hats pissed that you aren’t still talking about Rove’s computer vote
machine hacking program) I do enjoy your one person feud will Bill
O’Reilly. Has he gotten the memo that you guys are fighting, because I
want this to blow up. Nothing impresses me more than when news people make
themselves the news. Definitely a sign of professionalism.

Is there any way you can do a story about how Stuart Scott is an
idiot who needs to just go away? Make that one of your Countdown
segments…Stuart Scott stinks, and is ruining Sports Center. Come on, do a
hit piece on him. Bring him down like Dan Rather. Instead of
fixating on a gay prostitute, lets focus on important issues.
Guckert/Gannon is gone, the next Bloggerman target (get your DU boys on this
too) has to be the removal of Stuart Scott from Sports Center.

I know you have no say, and have some weird grudge/sexual tension
with Kilbourn, but please, step up to the plate. Get your 18 viewers and
their four hundred malnourished canines on the case.

Olbermann, I envision a day in which hugs and hand pounds are frowned upon,
where booyah brings on a beat down, and the only person “getting swoll” will the
man on the stretcher who got “jacked up” for saying “get swoll.”

You can help me sir, perhaps you can invite your crush O’Reilly in
on the fun (seriously Keith, fixate much?)

Thanks for your time
Olbermann email screeners,